Archive for April, 2011

  • The Royal Wedding | Posted by Fred Wiese on Apr 29 2011 under Funny Jokes, Funny Pictures

    Summary of the wedding…

    The royal guests:
    Colourful dresses! Crazy hats! Philip Treacy: the miliner of choice!

    The princess:
    Dress by Sarah Burton for Alexander McQueen. Lace, long sleeves, sweetheart neckline, cinched waist, full skirt, mid-length veil. Dark smoky eyes, full lashes, rosy cheeks, nude lips. Dramatic, but glamourous. Classic, yet contemporary. A modern day princess! Gorgeous.

    The prince:
    Balding.

     

    Like this? Share it with your friends!
  • Happy Mother’s Day | Posted by Fred Wiese on Apr 29 2011 under Funny Pictures

    boy:do u know our mom was a superwoman?

    girl:that impossible!!

    boy:follow me to mom’s room….

    girl:omg….that not superwoman…that was supermom

     

    Like this? Share it with your friends!
  • Vampires in a Bar | Posted by Fred Wiese on Apr 29 2011 under Funny Jokes

    It’s Halloween and everyone’s out trick-or-treating. A bartender is working the late-night shift at the bar. He looks outside and sees everyone in crazy costumes. He sighs and picks up a glass and starts cleaning it.

    At around midnight, a guy in a vampire costume walks in and sits at the bar. He says to the bartender “Hi. I’m a vampire and I’d like a cup of human blood please.”

    The bartender looks at him skeptically. “No you’re not. You’re just wearing a costume.”

    “No, no, really,” he insists. “I’m a vampire and I’d like a cup of human blood please.”

    “Alright,” the bartender says. He goes in the back and comes out with a cup of blood. He gives it to the vampire who drinks it right away.

    “Thanks,” he says, and leaves.

    An hour later another vampire comes in and sits at the bar. He says “Hi, I’m a vampire and I’d like a cup of human blood please.”

    “Okay,” the bartender says and goes in the back again. He comes out with another cup of blood. He gives it to the vampire who drinks it and leaves with a ‘thanks’.

    An hour later a third vampire comes in and sits at the bar. “Hi,” he says to to the bartender. “I’m a vam…”

    “I know, I know,” the bartender interrupts. “You’re a vampire and you want a cup of blood right?”

    “Um, no,” the vampire answers. “I AM a vampire, but I’d just like a glass of hot water please.”

    “Sure” the bartender says. He pours him a glass of hot water. As he gives it to the vampire he says “You know, there were two vampires that came in before you that wanted blood. How come you’re just asking for water?”

    Without answering the vampire reaches into his pocket and pulls out a used band-aid.

    “Tea time.”

     

    Like this? Share it with your friends!
  • A Chick With Long Legs | Posted by Fred Wiese on Apr 29 2011 under Funny Jokes

    A man walks up to the bar with an ostrich behind him, and as he sits, the bartender asks for their order.

    The man says, “I’ll have a beer” and turns to the ostrich. “What’s yours?” “I’ll have a beer too” says the ostrich.
    The bartender pours the beer and says “That will be $3.40 please,” and the man reaches into his pocket and pays with the exact change for payment.

    The next day, the man and the ostrich come again, and the man says “I’ll have a beer,” and the ostrich says “I’ll have the same.” Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

    This became a routine until late one evening, the two enter again. “The usual?” asks the bartender.”Well, it’s close to last call, so I’ll have a large Scotch” says the man. “Same for me” says the ostrich. “That will be $7.20″ says the bartender. Once again the man pulls exact change out of his pocket and places it on the bar.

    The bartender can’t hold back his curiosity any longer. “Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?”

    “Well,” says the man, “several years ago I was cleaning the attic and I found this old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever needed to pay for anything, I just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money will be there.”

    “That’s brilliant!” says the bartender. “Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you’ll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!”"That’s right! Whether it’s a gallon of milk, or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,” says the man.

    “That’s fantastic!” says the bartender. “You are a genius! … Oh, one other thing sir, what’s with the ostrich?”

    The man replies, “Oh, my second wish was for a chick with long legs.”

     

    Like this? Share it with your friends!
  • Glad to be drunk | Posted by Fred Wiese on Apr 29 2011 under Funny Jokes

    A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, “I’ve got to take you in, pal. You’re obviously drunk.”

    Our wasted friend asked, “Officer, are ya absolutely sure I’m drunk?”

    “Yeah, buddy, I’m sure,” said the copper. “Let’s go.”

    Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, “Thank goodness, I thought I was crippled.”

     

    Like this? Share it with your friends!
  • That’s it…kick his ass. | Posted by Fred Wiese on Apr 28 2011 under Funny Pictures

    ?’well if i cant beat them ill just get my fix by watching them beat each other’

     

    Like this? Share it with your friends!
« Previous Entries